A few random quotes
- It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.
- Mark Twain
- No one can be as calculatedly rude as the British, which amazes Americans, who do not understand studied insult and can only offer abuse as a substitute.
- Paul Gallico, US writer
- Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual.
- Terry Pratchett
- In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm, and three or more is a congress.
- John Adams
- If my theory of relativity is proven correct, Germany will claim me as a German and France will say I am a man of the world. If it's proven wrong, France will say I am a German and Germany will say I am a Jew.
- Albert Einstein
- I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.
- George Burns
- I believe that a scientist looking at nonscientific problems is just as dumb as the next guy.
- Richard Feynman
- Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so.
- Douglas Adams
- There are two major products that come out of Berkeley: LSD and UNIX. We don't believe this to be a coincidence.
- Jeremy S. Anderson
- SCSI is *NOT* magic. There are *fundamental technical reasons* why it is necessary to sacrifice a young goat to your SCSI chain now and then.
- John Woods
- "Never trust a computer you can't throw out a window."
- Steve Wozniak
- "The day Microsoft makes something that doesn't suck, is probably the day Microsoft starts making vacuum cleaners.
- Ernst Jan Plugge
- It is by the goodness of God that in our country we have those three unspeakably precious things:
freedom of speech, freedom of conscience, and the prudence never to practise either of them.
- Mark Twain
- America is the only nation in history which miraculously has gone directly from barbarism to degeneration without the usual interval of civilization.
- George Clemenceau (1841-1929), French politician
- Reader, suppose you were an idiot; and suppose you were a member of Congress; but I repeat myself.
- Mark Twain
- Americans have different ways of saying things. They say 'elevator', we say `lift' ... they say `President', we say `stupid psychopathic git'.
- Alexi Sayle, British comedian
- The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government, and I'm here to help.
- Ronald Reagan
- The United States is a nation of laws: badly written and randomly enforced.
- Frank Zappa
- He knows nothing; and he thinks he knows everything. That points clearly to a political career.
- George Bernard Shaw
- Politicians are people who, when they see light at the end of the tunnel, go out and buy some more tunnel.
- John Quinton
- Politics is too serious a matter to be left to the politicians.
- Charles de Gaulle
- Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
- Groucho Marx
- Political satire became obsolete when Henry Kissinger was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize.
- Tom Lehrer
- People never lie so much as after a hunt, during a war or before an election.
- Otto von Bismarck
- A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
- Fred Allen
- Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.
- Ronald Reagan
- The best argument against democracy is a fiveminute conversation with the average voter.
- Winston Churchill
- I think politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.
- Anonymous
- Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.
- P.J. O'Rourke
- I sometimes think that God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability.
- Oscar Wilde
- There is much to be said in favor of modern journalism. By giving us the opinions of the uneducated, it keeps us in touch with the ignorance of the community.
- Oscar Wilde
- If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you; that is the principal difference between a dog and a man.
- Mark Twain
- I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play, bring a friend if you have one.
- George Bernard Shaw, to Winston Churchill
- Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second if there is one.
- Winston Churchill, in reply
- Winston, if you were my husband I would flavor your coffee with poison.
- Lady Astor to Winston Churchill
- Madam, if I were your husband, I should drink it.
- Winston Churchill, in reply
- Sir, you will die either of the pox or on the gallows.
- Earl of Sandwich to John Wilkes
- That, my lord, depends on whether I embrace your mistress or your principles.
- John Wilkes, in reply
- Senator, you have the vote of every thinking person!
- Anonymous, to Adlai E. Stevenson
- That's not enough, madam, we need a majority!
- Adlai E. Stevenson, in reply
- Must you fall asleep while I'm speaking?
- Member of Parliament to Winston Churchill
- No, it is purely voluntary.
- Winston Churchill, in reply
- Reporter: "Mr. Gandhi, what do you think of Western civilization?"
- Gandhi: "I think it would be a very good idea."
- Mahatma Ghandi
- A witty saying proves nothing.
- Voltaire
- I remain just one thing, and one thing only -- and that is a clown. It places me on a far higher plane than any politician.
- Charlie Chaplin
- The person who knows how to laugh at himself will never cease to be amused.
- Shirely MacLaine
- We don't stop laughing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop laughing.
- Author Unknown
- Every human being is a clown but only few have the courage to show it.
- Charlie Rivel
- The world belongs to those who set out to conquer it armed with self confidence and good humour.
- Charles Dickens